ขาว — Page 3
Malee watched this happen for several weeks before she acknowledged it to herself.
말리는 스스로 그것을 인정하기까지 몇 주 동안 이 일을 지켜보았다.
She had tried, at first, to tell herself it was nothing — that dogs sat near gates, that it was instinct, that it meant only what it appeared to mean and nothing more.
처음에 그녀는 아무것도 아니라고 스스로에게 말하려 했다 — 개들은 대문 근처에 앉는 법이고, 그것은 본능이며, 겉으로 보이는 것 이상의 의미는 없다고.
But there was something in the quality of Khao's waiting that resisted that explanation.
그러나 카오의 기다림에는 그 설명을 거부하는 무언가가 있었다.
He was not restless.
그는 안절부절못하지 않았다.
He was not hopeful in the anxious way of animals who have been hurt by uncertainty.
그는 불확실함에 상처받은 동물들이 보이는 불안한 방식으로 희망에 차 있지도 않았다.
He was simply there, in the same way the gate was there, as if his presence and its presence were part of the same fact.
그는 그저 그곳에 있었다, 대문이 그곳에 있는 것과 같은 방식으로, 마치 그의 존재와 대문의 존재가 동일한 사실의 일부인 것처럼.
One afternoon, coming through the gate herself with market bags in both hands, Malee found him sitting in his usual place.
어느 날 오후, 양손에 시장 가방을 들고 직접 대문을 통해 들어오던 말리는 그가 늘 앉던 자리에 앉아 있는 것을 발견했다.
He looked up at her, and she saw in his expression — in whatever a dog's expression can hold — something that was not disappointment, but that was adjacent to it.
그는 그녀를 올려다보았고, 그녀는 그의 표정에서 — 개의 표정이 담을 수 있는 것이 무엇이든 — 실망은 아니지만 그것에 인접한 무언가를 보았다.
A slight recalibration.
미세한 재조정.
A recognition that what had arrived was not what had been waited for, but that this, too, was acceptable.
도착한 것이 기다리던 것이 아니라는 인식, 하지만 이것 또한 받아들일 수 있다는.
"She will come on Sunday," Malee said.
"그녀는 일요일에 올 거야," 말리가 말했다.
She had not planned to say this.
그녀는 이 말을 할 계획이 없었다.
She had said it the way you say things when you find yourself speaking to someone who you know, on some level, is listening.
그녀는 어떤 면에서 듣고 있다는 것을 알면서도 누군가에게 말을 건네고 있는 자신을 발견할 때 말하는 방식으로 그것을 말했다.
Khao's ears moved.
카오의 귀가 움직였다.
Not dramatically — just a small adjustment, a fractional tilt toward her voice.
극적이지 않게 — 그저 작은 조정, 그녀의 목소리를 향한 미세한 기울임.
Malee set down the bags and opened the gate the rest of the way and stood there for a moment in the late light.
말리는 가방을 내려놓고 대문을 끝까지 열었으며 저녁 빛 속에 잠시 그곳에 서 있었다.
The frangipani at the corner of the yard had started to bloom again, two or three white flowers appearing at the ends of the bare branches, and their smell was faint but present in the still air.
마당 한쪽 모퉁이의 플루메리아가 다시 꽃을 피우기 시작했고, 앙상한 가지 끝에 두세 송이의 흰 꽃이 피어났으며, 그 향기는 희미하지만 고요한 공기 속에 분명히 존재했다.
Vocabulary
- 스스로
- seuseuro — By oneself; on one's own accord
- 인정하기까지
- injeonghaggikkaji — Until admitting or acknowledging something
- 몇
- myeot — A few; some (used with countable units)
- 주
- ju — Week; a unit of time
- 동안
- dongan — During; for a period of time
- 이
- i — This; also a subject particle in Korean
- 지켜보았다
- jikyeobоатda — Watched carefully; observed over time
- 처음에
- cheoеume — At first; in the beginning
- 아무것도
- amugeotdo — Nothing at all; not anything
- 아니라고
- anirago — Saying that it is not; denial reported speech
- 스스로에게
- seuseuroege — To oneself; directed toward oneself
- 말하려
- malraryeo — Intending to say; trying to tell
- 했다
- haetda — Did; tried; past tense of 하다
- 대문
- daemun — Main gate; front entrance gate of a house
- 근처에
- geunchеое — Near; in the vicinity of a place
- 앉는
- anneun — Sitting; the act of sitting down
- 법이고
- beopigo — It is the way/rule; natural tendency
- 본능이며
- bонneungimyeo — It is instinct; natural drive or impulse
- 겉으로
- geoteuro — On the surface; outwardly; externally
- 보이는
- boineun — That appears; that is visible or seen
- 것
- geot — Thing; matter; nominalizing particle
- 이상의
- isangui — Beyond; more than; exceeding a certain level
- 의미는
- uimineun — Meaning; significance (topic marker attached)
- 없다고
- eopдаgo — Saying there is none; reported nonexistence
- 그러나
- geureona — However; but; nevertheless
- 기다림에는
- gidarimeneun — In the waiting; regarding the act of waiting
- 그
- geu — That; he; the (demonstrative or pronoun)
- 설명을
- seolmyeongeul — Explanation; description (object marker attached)
- 거부하는
- geobuháneun — Refusing; rejecting; denying something
- 무언가가
- muеongaga — Something; some unspecified thing (subject marker)
- 있었다
- isseotda — There was; existed; past tense of 있다
- 안절부절못하지
- anjeolbujеolmothaji — Not being restless; not fidgeting anxiously
- 않았다
- anатда — Did not; negation in past tense
- 불확실함에
- bulhwaksilhame — In uncertainty; amid ambiguity or doubt
- 상처받은
- sangcheobaděun — Wounded; hurt; having received emotional pain
- 동물들이
- dongmuldeuри — Animals (plural with subject marker attached)
- 불안한
- buranhan — Anxious; uneasy; troubled in feeling
- 방식으로
- bangsigéuro — In a manner; in a way or style
- 희망에
- himange — In hope; filled with hope or expectation
- 차
- cha — Full; filled with (used in compounds)
- 그저
- geujeo — Simply; just; merely; without more reason
- 그곳에
- geugосе — There; at that place or location
- 있는
- inneun — That exists; that is there; present
- 같은
- gateun — Same; like; similar to something
- 마치
- machi — As if; just like; seemingly
- 존재와
- jonjaeoa — Existence and; being and (conjunctive form)
- 존재가
- jonjaega — Existence (subject marker attached)
- 동일한
- dongirhan — Same; identical; one and the same
- 사실의
- sasirui — Of a fact; factual; reality's
- 일부인
- irbuín — Being a part of; a portion of something
- 것처럼
- geotcheoreom — As if; like something; as though
- 어느
- eoněu — A certain; some; one particular
- 날
- nal — Day; a single day
- 오후
- ohu — Afternoon; the time after noon
- 양손에
- yangsonе — In both hands; holding with two hands
- 시장
- sijang — Market; marketplace where goods are sold
- 가방을
- gabangeul — Bag (object marker attached)
- 들고
- deulgo — Holding; carrying; picking up and
- 직접
- jikjeop — Directly; in person; firsthand
- 통해
- tonghae — Through; via; by way of
- 들어오던
- deureoодеn — Who used to come in; entering (past habitual)
- 늘
- neul — Always; habitually; at all times
- 앉던
- atdeon — Used to sit; where one habitually sat
- 자리에
- jarie — In the spot/seat; at the usual place
- 앉아
- anja — Sitting; in a seated position
- 발견했다
- balgyeonhaetda — Discovered; found; noticed something
- 올려다보았고
- ollyeodaboatgo — Looked up at; glanced upward and
- 표정에서
- pyojeongeseo — In the expression; from the facial expression
- 표정이
- pyojeongi — Facial expression (subject marker attached)
- 담을
- dameul — To hold; to contain (object marker attached)
- 수
- su — Ability; possibility (used with 있다/없다)
- 무엇이든
- mueosiděun — Whatever it may be; anything at all
- 실망은
- silmangéun — Disappointment (topic marker attached)
- 아니지만
- anijiman — Is not, but; though it is not
- 인접한
- injepchan — Adjacent; neighboring; close to something
- 무언가를
- mueongareul — Something (object marker attached)
- 보았다
- boatda — Saw; looked at; past tense of 보다
- 미세한
- Subtle; minute; very slight or delicate
- 재조정
- jaejojŏng — Readjustment; recalibration; fine-tuning
- 도착한
- dochakan — Who arrived; having arrived; reached destination
- 기다리던
- gidarideon — Who was waiting; the one waited for
- 아니라는
- aniraneun — That it is not; the fact of not being
- 인식
- insik — Recognition; awareness; perception of something
- 하지만
- hajiman — However; but; still; nevertheless
- 이것
- igeot — This thing; this (near the speaker)
- 또한
- ttohan — Also; likewise; in addition
- 받아들일
- badadeulil — To accept; to receive and embrace
- 일요일에
- ireyoire — On Sunday; on the day of Sunday
- 올
- ol — Will come; future tense of 오다
- 거야
- geoya — I will; it will be (casual future)
- 말했다
- malhaetda — Said; spoke; past tense of 말하다
- 말을
- mareul — Words; speech (object marker attached)
- 할
- hal — Will do; to do (future modifier form)
- 계획이
- gyehoegi — Plan (subject marker attached); intention
- 없었다
- eopseotda — There was not; did not have; past negation
- 어떤
- eotteon — Some kind of; a certain; what type of
- 면에서
- myeneseo — In terms of; in some aspect or way
- 듣고
- deutgo — Hearing and; listening and (conjunctive)
- 알면서도
- almyeonseodo — Even while knowing; despite being aware
- 누군가에게
- nugungaege — To someone; toward a certain person
- 건네고
- gennego — Passing on; handing over and (conjunctive)
- 자신을
- jasineul — Oneself (object marker attached)
- 발견할
- balgyeonhal — To discover; will find (future modifier)
- 때
- ttae — When; at the time of something
- 말하는
- marháneun — Speaking; talking (present modifier form)
- 귀가
- gwiga — Ear (subject marker attached)
- 움직였다
- umjigyeotda — Moved; stirred; shifted (past tense)
- 극적이지
- geukjeogiji — Not dramatic; without being theatrical
- 않게
- antge — Without doing; so as not to
- 작은
- jageun — Small; little; tiny
- 조정
- jojŏng — Adjustment; tuning; modification
- 목소리를
- moksoriréul — Voice (object marker attached)
- 향한
- hyanghan — Directed toward; facing; oriented to
- 기울임
- giulim — Tilting; inclination; leaning toward something
- 내려놓고
- naeryeonoko — Putting down; setting down and (conjunctive)
- 끝까지
- kkeutkkaji — To the end; all the way through
- 열었으며
- yeoreosseumyeo — Opened and; having opened (conjunctive)
- 저녁
- jeonyeok — Evening; the time around sunset
- 빛
- bit — Light; glow; illumination
- 속에
- soge — Inside; within; in the midst of
- 잠시
- jamsi — For a moment; briefly; a short while
- 서
- seo — Standing; while standing; from (particle)
- 마당
- madang — Yard; courtyard; outdoor space of a house
- 한쪽
- hanjjok — One side; one direction; one corner
- 모퉁이의
- motungíui — Of the corner; at the corner (possessive)
- 다시
- dasi — Again; once more; anew
- 꽃을
- kkocheul — Flower (object marker attached)
- 피우기
- piugi — To bloom; to make flower; blooming
- 시작했고
- sijakhaetgo — Started and; began and (conjunctive past)
- 앙상한
- angsanghan — Bare; gaunt; thin with protruding bones or branches
- 가지
- gaji — Branch; twig of a tree or plant
- 끝에
- kkeutе — At the end; at the tip of something
- 두세
- duse — Two or three; a couple of
- 송이의
- songíui — Of the blossoms; clusters (counter possessive)
- 흰
- hwin — White; of white color
- 꽃이
- kkochi — Flower (subject marker attached)
- 피어났으며
- pieonaссеumyeo — Bloomed and; blossomed and (conjunctive)
- 향기는
- hyangginеun — The fragrance; the scent (topic marker)
- 희미하지만
- huimihajiman — Faint but; subtle though it is
- 고요한
- goyohan — Still; quiet; calm and tranquil
- 공기
- gonggi — Air; atmosphere; the surrounding air
- 분명히
- bunmyeonghi — Clearly; obviously; certainly
- 존재했다
- jonjaehäetda — Existed; was present; there definitely was
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